Ramblings about the month of May

Be Still and Know

Note: This article was written earlier in the year, but it is too good not to be published. We hope that you enjoy Arlene’s ramblings.

By Arlene Manson

The month of May is a bittersweet month for me.  It is both the month in which my father was born and the month in which he died – 45 years ago this year.  Also, the first week in May is Mental Health Awareness week which reminds me very much of my mother and all the struggles she had with her bipolar disorder.  The month of May also encompasses Mother’s Day, where we salute all the wonderful mothers in this world and those that have left us.  It is a holiday that I have very ambivalent feelings about.  Even now, I miss the fact that I never had that mother that is celebrated in the Hallmark card commercials. And I miss the fact that I grew up without a father.  And you know, it is okay to acknowledge that.  It is all right to say that some parts of your life were not so great, and that you wish they could have been different.

One thing that was awesome this May was that I got to spend time with my older sister, Karen, and her girls in Phoenix, when my niece graduated from high school.

May is also my birth month.  This year, I entered the last year of a decade in my life and in the next year I will be approaching one of those “0” years.  It has really made me feel reflective in my life and about what I want to do with the rest of it.

I am in a season of malaise.  In a YouTube video by Pat Katz, “Pat Answers Series – Malaise Episode 1”, she states that malaise is a feeling of dis-ease or discomfort.  You are feeling stale and uninspired.  Life is good in a qualified way, but it is not great.  This is the season I find myself in right now.  It is a bit unsettling, but I am going to use it as a sign of a need for change.    At this point, what that change will be, I have no idea.

This brings me to one of my favourite verses from the Bible.  In Psalm 46:10a, it says, “Be still, and know that I am God”.  There were many times when dealing with mom and her illness that I would recite that verse over and over in my mind.  Sometimes, it was the only way I kept my sanity about things.  In this season of my life, I will be still and listen for where the voice of God is leading me.

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