Beneath the Surface

Trinda Jocelyn

I have a love-hate relationship with writing.

I enjoy putting pen to paper; maybe fingers to a keyboard is the more appropriate way to say that these days. I have a blog, which I have had for a good long time, but if you visit it, you will find the dates I write very sporadic.

When I write, I feel like it needs to be honest and so when I do sit down and write something, I feel like people can see a little deeper into who I am and being a relatively private person, that leaves me feeling vulnerable.

Because of this vulnerability I have in writing, I often find it difficult to actually write things down, if it doesn’t make it to paper it stays safe, locked away in my head.

Imagine a person who can’t say a word in a comedy skit, their mouth forms the beginning of the word and the first letter maybe comes forward, but the whole word just will not fall from their lips. That is the image I have of myself trying to write sometimes. I start, stop and delete, and try again.

Sometimes the topics I have on my brain I am scared will offend people, or what if I am the only one that thinks that way? Those who know me, know that I have a way of thinking that can be sort of black and white and I appear to have the ability to share my thoughts or feelings. Really though, I often just don’t want to ripple the water and so I say nothing, do nothing, and wish I had later.

Sharing my thoughts and putting them out there for anyone to read scares me a little. What if they don’t like it? What if it causes a fight? What if someone thinks it is stupid?

I don’t know what the answer to these questions are. But maybe you feel that way too. I want you to know that you are not alone.

The times that I have been brave enough to share, like when I lost my dad, the feedback I received and the love that was poured out over me was more than encouraging. It was something I did not expect, because I had convinced myself that no one really wanted to hear about how I was feeling.

God proved me wrong. And I hope he proves just how important you are! And that your story, your vulnerability, and your life are beautiful and meaningful and you are never alone, not only is God with you, but there are thousands that feel just the same as you.

I think we just need to be brave and share ourselves with each other and trust God with our vulnerabilities. Let’s be open and honest and real with each other and not be scared to show who we are, and in return, respond with love when people offer their own stories to us.